I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
did you just send me my own nude
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Randomize
