I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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