what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I would fuck him just for his dog
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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