I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Randomize
