How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
