it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
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