I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
