I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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