I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
