Don't you send me to vm
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
