i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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