My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
