We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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