He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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