The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
