guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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