Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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