We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
