I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
