She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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