Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
