just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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