Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
