We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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