I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
thus making me awesome and them whores
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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