hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
