member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Randomize
