You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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