Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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