just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
