Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
