Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
