he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
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