New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
