I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
