I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
