Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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