Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
