You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Randomize
