i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
There's always time for handjobs
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
