He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
