I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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