Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
