final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
