I molested 6 butterflies tonight
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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