I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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