I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
