I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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