I met the friendliest cop last night
Its about making memories worth repressing
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
