Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
