We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Help me help you realize you are a moron
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
