I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
