THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
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