I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Randomize
