guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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